Don't Save Me
by ThreeDaysGraceFanatic
Summary: Takes place during New Moon. What if Jacob wasn't there for Bella? What happens when she attempts suicide? Rated T for language and suicide.
1. Notes

I knew no one would care if I committed suicide. Sure, Renee and Phil would cry and mourn my death. But, as a child, my mom always said to me, "Be where you are happy, Bella." I am not happy here. I could hear her voice saying that to me, repeating over and over. Then, I heard Edward, and had a flashback to the first time I saw a vision of him.

_FLASHBACK_

"_I think I know those guys," I said to Jessica. I walked down the hill and saw Edward. "Bella, you promised me you wouldn't do anything reckless," he said. "You promised me I would forget you. That, as we both know, will never happen." I walked past him to get to the biker. "Hey babe, wanna hop on?" he asked me. I looked back and saw Edward again. "Please, don't do this." He begged. "I was thinking the same thing many months ago. Apparently, you didn't stop to think about my feelings." I flung my leg over and sat down. _

_END FLASHBACK_

Screw him. He doesn't want me. I was just a toy, a manipulation. He never loved me, or even CARED about me. I was just something he could show off. Let him rot in hell. I hope Laurent and Victoria come for him and gang up. He'd never win that. I hope that Victoria gets a hold of him. She'll make his death long and painful. After she is about to finish him off, she'll ask for me. He'd say that he left me unprotected and alone. She'll come for me. I know it. Victoria might find me alive, or she might find me dead. She might even change me. Think, that since she has to spend eternity without her mate, I might as well do the same. Hopefully, I'll be gone by then. All that is left is to write to every person who this might affect.

_Alice,_

_You are my best friend. I know that maybe, just maybe, you don't love me anymore. But that's okay. I still have a place for you in my heart. You'll always be there, right next to Edward and the rest of your family and Renee and Charlie. I hope you read this someday, long after I'm gone. But, this is for the better. Edward may be able to go on without me, but I can't do the same. I really do love you Alice. Best of wishes,_

_Bella_

It felt fitting to write Alice's first. She probably saw a vision and sent Edward to save the day. Except, he can't save the day. Why? Because the day is over, it's been over, for months. The next letter should be to my parents.

_Mom and Dad,_

_I realize that you pain when I am in pain. I don't have a better way to say this…. But I can't stay here anymore. I'm not happy here, and there is no other place in the world that I will be happy except with Edward. I understand that you think he took over my life, but he did, in a way. I can't live without him. I love both of you in a way that you couldn't imagine. I'm sorry this is it, but maybe we will meet again, in the afterlife. As a child, it seemed like I said the words, "I love you," too many times. Now I realize that wasn't enough. I really do love you. Please take care of yourselves, _

_Bella_

The next one is to the rest of the Cullens.

_Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper,_

_I love you all like family. I really do. Esme, you were like a second mom to me. Always caring and loving. Carlisle, you were, in a way, a fathering figure. Always having advice and a warm smile on your face. Rosalie, I'm sorry we got off on the wrong foot. In a different lifetime, we could've been friends. Emmett, you were always like a big brother. Lastly, Jasper. You probably blame yourself because you don't have the control that the rest of your family does, and I'm sorry. I can't understand why you blame yourself. It would've happened eventually. I'm sorry that it had to end this way. I thought that you were beginning to accept us as a couple and accept me as a part of the family. I really love each and every one of you, and will continue to love you until my heart stops beating. And lately, I've been thinking, possibly even hoping, that it will be soon. Best of luck and wishes,_

_Bella_

There is only one last letter that I need to write.

_Edward,_

_I will always love you forever and ever. Lately though, I've been questioning that. I've been questioning if you feel the same way as I do. There will always be that empty darkness inside of me. The only thing that is keeping us apart is you. I know that my only options are to kill myself, or let Victoria change or kill me. I really don't know her intentions anymore. I don't really know your intentions anymore. Please, don't kill yourself. You must not realize how catastrophic that would be. The family would be torn apart. When you left, you ripped my heart out. I would've said for you to take care of it. Because I do not have a heart anymore, I leave you with this letter. I really do love you._

_Bella_

Words can't describe how I feel for him. Words can't describe what he did to me, also. I know that Alice saw me. Edward might just ignore her, or he might come. I'm not second guessing myself. Charlie should know to at least lock where we keep the knives. I would call the house number on my cell phone and tell him I love him. Then at least my parents will always be able to hear my voice say that I love them. I pulled out the cell phone that Edward gave me, but before I could dial the number, Alice called. I picked up the phone.

"_Alice," _I said.It wasn't a statement, it was a question.

"_Bella I swear don't even move a muscle. Edward and I are on our way right now. Please, think about everyone. Don't do this to me, or Edward, or Charlie." _She pleaded with me.

"_Did YOU think about me? No, you probably didn't. Why is…" _I couldn't even say the name_. "He coming here. I thought he didn't want me!" _I shouted. Then another voice came on,

"_Bella, I'm sorry. It was all a mistake. I do want you, I do. Bella, I'm sorry, I love you more than anything."_

"_I'm hanging up now," _Ireplied coldly.

"_NO!" _Alice yelled_. "I will talk to you."_

"_You don't get it, I have to go. I have to hang up. Wait, you're still in the car, right?"_

"_Yes Bella, I am. Please don't hang up, not yet."_

"_Goodbye Alice,"_

They were probably right outside the door, so I had to think fast. I grabbed the knife I prepared and dragged it down my wrist, causing blood to flow. I didn't know if Alice would be able to come. I knew Edward would, but that may be out of guilt. At this rate I knew that I wouldn't be gone quick enough, so I made several more cuts on both of my wrists. I was on the floor, because I just couldn't stand. I heard the window open, so I turned my body around the best I could. In came Edward and Alice. Alice scooped me into her arms and picked up the phone. That's the last thing I remember before everything went black.


	2. Deals

Edward POV

Suddenly I knew that if she killed herself, I would die. Maybe not immediately, maybe not with the same blinding rush of pain, but it would happen. You couldn't live for very long without a heart.

"Alice, did u dial 9-1-1 yet?" I asked, too fast for a human to hear.

"Yes, but Edward, she might not make it," she touched Bella's heart and touched her head, heart, and both shoulders. She was praying for Bella.

"No, I'm not changing her. She'll make it, I know it."

"Edward, she's not in my visions anymore. I just saw her in a coffin, going underground."

Before I could say anything else, the sirens of the ambulance were in hearing-distance. Alice ran with Bella outside and gently placed her on a gurney. We went into the truck.

_A few hours later_

"What happened?" Dr. Gerandy asked. He was the same person who looked over Bella when she was in the woods alone. "And when did you kids come back?"

"We came because we received suicide letters from her. We were concerned about her, so we decided to come back." Alice explained.

Before I had the chance to speak, Charlie rushed in. "I'm sorry I'm late, I was out of the state. Where's Bella?" he asked before looking at me. "And what are you doing here?" he said with distaste in his mouth.

"Look, why don't you see Bella, Charlie. She's not up yet, and she won't be for a few hours. Oh and your ex-wife called to say that she was about to board the plane with Phil. Bella probably will be asleep when she comes." Dr. Gerandy said. He left after that.

Charlie POV

I looked at Edward. He doesn't care about her. Alice, on the other hand, I will forgive. She at least didn't leave her alone in the woods.

"Edward, front and center," I called to him, showing no emotion. Alice walked right next to him.

"Alice, it's okay. I forgive you. Edward, possibly never." Alice looked at me, but then walked away. Not without whispering something to Edward, but it was too low for me to hear.

"Who do you think you are? You just LEAVE her in the freaking FOREST, ALONE!" I yelled at him. It felt good to get it off of my chest.

A nurse came by and asked for us to follow her, to have privacy.

"Okay, let me cut to the chase. She was depressed for months, and attempted suicide because of you. You don't have my permission to see her anymore." I said, just a bit harshly.

"Sir, with all due respect, that's not the story. I told her that my family was moving. I was walking-running- to my house and I didn't realize she followed me." Edward explained. "I'm sorry."

_A conversation and a plane landing later…_

"Excuse me, sir. You're Chief Swan, right? Bella just woke up." A nurse said.

"I'll let you see her first." Edward said.

"No, you're not seeing her. You'll have to get through me first."

"I understand that you feel that way, but I need to see her."

"NO!" I shouted. "I'll let Alice see her, but that's it. I don't want you near her."

Bella POV

When I woke up, I felt like I was on those rides where you go inside and the ride starts to spin and you lift up. It felt like the force coming down on you. I felt disoriented, confused, alone. Renee and Charlie came in, and looked at me with empathy and sorrow. I could tell Renee was crying, because her eyes looked swollen and wet.

"Mom I…" I began, but was cut off by her putting her finger on my lips and stroking my hair.

"Baby, it's okay. Everything's okay. The doctors said you only have to stay a few days. I have a little surprise for you." She said while smiling. Charlie looked as if he didn't like this 'surprise.' In through the door came Mr. Edward Cullen.

"Edward," was all I could say. I was at a loss of words.

A machine I was hooked up to started to beep and a nurse rushed in. After a few seconds, she became less tense and simply answered, "I think her heart started to beat fast because of Mr. Cullen here." She teased and left.

"Mom and Dad, could we please have a moment?" I asked. They nodded and left.

"You… you NASTY LITTLE PIECE OF SHIT!" I yelled. "HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME?" He looked very shocked, even terrified.

"Bella, please calm down. I'm sorry. You know why I left, to protect you. I… I thought you would've moved on." He looked down.

"Sorry isn't good enough. You caused me HELL for MONTHS! All I get is a SORRY! Screw you. Get out of here, NOW!"

He looked like someone punched him in the gut. I loved him, maybe more than he loved me. That's why he left. I knew if I told him to leave, he would. But, there's a voice inside that is saying, "No, don't let him leave. Don't." I try my best to ignore that voice, but sometimes, it overpowers. I can't live without him, but the keyword, live. I could become a nomad vampire, I wouldn't mind. I want to be with him, but a single glance at him makes me sick.

"Bella, you should rest. You had quite a rough day. You don't know what you're saying."

"NO! Edward, I know exactly what I'm saying. You know I can't live without you, but I can't live with you, either. So, when I get out of the hospital, I want you to change me."

"Bella, I'm never going to do that. What about Charlie, or Renee or Phil? Won't they notice that you're not there?"

"Well, I can't stay human. The Volturi will come after me, and that will be the last thing I want."

"Bella, there are ways around the Volturi. I will work for them. Aro always wanted me."

"NO! You must not get it. 'I don't want you.'" I said, quoting him from several months.

His face was twisted with pain and agony. I couldn't stand to see him like that.

"I don't care who, as long as it isn't you, changes me. But, I want to become a vampire. Someone changes me, and I leave. Deal?"


End file.
